Wednesday, August 6, 2008

3 Ways Writing is Complete Awesomesauce on Top

Every gig has its perks. Cops don't give other cops speeding tickets. Doctors get free drug samples from RX companies. Golf Pros play free golf. Secretaries bring home free pens and paperclips (Seriously--I can't be the only one who appreciates that perk. Free PENS people!!!) Today I was reminded of some of the sweet joys of writing. So here they are in no particular order.

3 Ways in Which Writing is Complete Awesomesauce on Top

1. Everything is research. Why is this awesome? That book on medieval weaponry? Research! I must have it. It doesn't matter if I'm actually writing a medieval historical novel. I might want to and thus would need that book which I might never find again. Better buy it now. Too much time spent online? Research! An amazing show on the Discovery Channel? I need it on DVD. Research. You never know! A trip in a submarine? Book it. Research. Was I flirting with that waiter? Research, I swear it! Star Wars action figures? Of course I had to buy them. How else can I block out my intergalactic battle scenes? Oooh, let's take archery lessons. Well, of course it's research. Repeat after me: Everything is research.

2. Murder is Legal. Okay, strictly speaking--it still isn't legal, but where else can you kill off people you hate without all the blood and the inconvenience of the police showing up at your door. Not to mention all those legal fees. People who piss me off in real life end up in my books and it usually isn't pretty. Case study? The girl who bullied my kid in kindergarten. She was a rotten, horrible child and made his life hell for months. He was afraid to hit a girl and too ashamed to tell. Little bitch. But I got even with her. Oh yes I did. Her fate? She became a hooker (or at least she did in my story) who ran afoul of a serial killer and suffered a grusome demise. Parts of her surfaced in dumpsters around the city until she was finally identified by her finger prints. Hah! Take that! As
JKcates said on Absolute Write: "That's part of the fun of writing is putting people in it we know and doing horrible things to them. Its like the Sims without the graphics." Amen.

3. You can do it in public without getting arrested. Don't underestimate how wonderful this is. Writing is portable. All you need is a pen and paper. You can write on your desktop, your laptop, in a fine moleskin notebook, spiral pad, on the back of an envelope, on anything. You can write with a $350 Faber Castell Guilloche Black Chevron, a $1 Bic, a #2 Pencil or a broken scrap of crayon with the paper peeled off. Only the words matter. You can write anywhere and anytime (well, almost. I won't elaborate. You understand.) I do some of my best writing at the soccer fields while the kids run drills. Drills are boring. Drills aren't games. They're just...drills. Yawn. In fact, my novel up at Trunk was written outside a bar while waiting for my 20th high school reunion and at the soccer fields.

If you think about it, those are some pretty damn good perks. Okay, now it's time to give me your awesomesauce on top reasons for being a writer. What do you love?


Average Jane said...

Let's not forget the steamy sex scenes.. all men are sex gods in the books and every fantasy can be fulfilled.. :D

That is total awesomesauce.. :D

Jen said...

Oh yes, writing is teh awesome for all those reasons you mention! I'll have to take a bit to think of the reasons it's awesomesauce *hee!* on top for me besides those.

Mary B said...

oooh, how could I forget the joy of living in a fantasy world. You create a world and then play in it! Hot sexy men! Shoes that don't hurt! Food that doesn't make you fat!


Jen said...

Oh, another good one = you have a legit reason for daydreaming! Only we get to call it by a more fancy, respectable name: plotting.

AND I get the pleasure of having the illusion of control, plus free therapy!

Anonymous said...

All great points, especially the parts about research, but you overlooked one main point - murder is research... and that's awesomesauce. Right?

LillianCray said...

Duude... those are some awesome perks!! Maybe, if I use the research thing, I can convince my mom to buy me that awesome model Oriental katana I've been wanting for ages... "I need to learn swordfighting! It's research!"

BTW, I totally agree about the secretary perks. Who doesn't love free pens?

Kim said...

Oh, yes - the sex scenes!

But aside from that -

1. The word "awesomesauce" - I love it!

2. Being able to create teh purrrfect guy - whose perfection is made up of imperfections.

3. Becoming friends with other writers who don't think you're weird for sitting in your office, reading dialogue out loud (and in a deep British accent)just to make sure your hero could say that sentence and NOT sound like a dork.

Awesomesauce - my new favorite word! =)

Sassee B said...

HA! Love it! I think I might print this one and stick it in my cube here at work.

... actually, maybe not at work. I don't know how well my coworkers would take the whole murder thing. So maybe I'll just be content with sticking it somewhere in the computer room at home. lol

Melanie Avila said...

I love this! Especially the research. My hubby has stopped bugging me about eavesdropping on conversations since I've started writing. :)

Polenth said...

Free paperclips?! No one told me that... imagine what I could do with free paperclips. All the paperclips I want. And I'll need pots. Lots of pots to put them in.